Welcome Friends! I am Xaara Jilani, the heart and soul behind Rapid Improvement.

With over 15 years of experience in light work and shadow work, I am a Board-Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Neuropsychotherapist, Success Coach, EFT/TFT Master, Reiki Master Teacher, Theta Healer, Past Life Regression therapist, and a NLP practitioner.

I'm passionate about guiding individuals towards holistic healing and personal transformation. My specialty is helping you heal from childhood & sexual trauma. Why? Is it because of all the courses I’ve taken? Yes, but mostly because I was once a victim of sexual abuse myself and I have direct experience of the trauma and the aftereffects of it. I'll write briefly about it here so you can decide if I'm the right facilitator for you.

TRIGGER WARNING**** SENSITIVE DETAILS AHEAD**PLEASE STOP READING IF YOU’RE EASILY TRIGGERED.

When I was about 6 years old & lived in Mukha Singh, Pakistan, my mom took us to our neighbor’s house so she could hang out with her friend. It was nothing out of the ordinary. My parents were very social. The only difference was that my neighbor’s brother (who was in his 20’s) was suddenly interested in playing hide and seek with us. He told my mom that I looked like a little doll & he found me really cute. Then he took charge and became the hide & seek leader. He split us into teams. My brothers in one team and myself in……his. Long story short, his choice of hiding was the bathroom when it was our turn to hide. As soon as we got inside, he kissed my cheeks and told me to take off my pants. Even as a 6-year-old, I somehow knew that something very bad was about to happen to me. But I didn’t know what to do. So, I took my pants off! Good girls always respect orders from uncles, don’t they? He molested me for a few minutes and then my brothers found us. I think I stopped breathing for those few minutes and something in me already died at age 6! This happened two more times & then we thankfully moved. Each time he molested me, he said it was our little secret and I was not to disappoint him by talking to anyone about it. And I didn’t! For many years. I was such a good little girl. I wish I could remember his name, but I was 6.

When I was 11 or 12, my aunt’s help inappropriately touched me and my cousin when we were on the swings. This happened in front of every adult in the family but none of them were focused on the children. The help’s name is Bakshi (my family will not be happy if any of them are reading but I’m okay with my choices) and this happened in Satellite town, Pakistan. He was supposed to push us on the swings, but he grabbed us from our chests (and squeezed) to “push us”. I was so shocked that I thought I had turned into a stone & I couldn’t move or speak (I was too young to understand the fight, flight or freeze response). Too shocked to notice that the same thing was being done to my cousin. A few months later, I asked my cousin if he did that to her and she said yes. I felt horrible because she lived in the same house with him. I asked her if she’d told my aunt, her mom and she said “no, because it’s not a big deal”. She told me not to say anything either. So, I didn’t! I was still a good girl, and my cousin trusted me with a secret. I never had a warm relationship with my parents anyway where I felt welcome to share my problems with them and there was no one else to seek advice from.

In my late teens, I moved to CA, USA and a couple years later, became friends with a co-worker. He said he was single and had an ex in India. Naturally I believed him. We became close over time and then started dating. I needed extra money and therefore I started applying for second jobs. He referred me to a convenience store around the downtown area. He knew the sons of the owner and that’s how I got a second job there. Something was off about the store and the owners but I wasn’t wise enough to pinpoint it. A few weeks into the job, I found out that the sons (my boyfriend’s friends) were doing drugs in the back. I freaked out and told my boyfriend. He laughed and said that I was making a big deal out of it and that I should just focus on the job and the money. He made a point that I was working my shifts alone and their drug habit wouldn’t affect me. I was very scared but I needed the money, so I continued to work there. Shortly after, the owner’s father who called me beti (means daughter in urdu & hindi) came to visit the store when it was my shift and when he saw that no one was watching, grabbed my breasts from behind me. He then tried to overpower me by holding my arms behind my back. I, initially, went into freeze mode but something in me awakened after a few seconds and I fought back. I pushed him back and he fell. He then grabbed his heart and pretended to have a heart attack. I was 21 years old (all my wisdom had come from books, not from being street smart) and unfortunately, I fell for it and ran to grab some water and the phone to call 911. He stopped me from calling 911 and said he was going to be okay. I grabbed my bag, walked outside and called my boyfriend. Do you want to know what he said to me? I’m sure you can guess. He told me not to say anything and to keep working my job. I was furious but I felt like I was talking to a wall or a robot. My boyfriend was 6 or 7 years older than me, but he was an even bigger coward than I was. I later married him and several years later, way after my divorce, he tried to traffick me to make $70,000. Go figure!!

What is the point of writing all this? The point is to tell you that if you have been abused or molested, I can help you because I understand, I can relate and because I helped myself so I know the way.

For decades, I carried the weight of this shame, secretly blaming myself for what happened. Maybe I gave those men the wrong idea, maybe it was all my fault, maybe I wasn’t dressed properly, maybe I am the sinner, maybe I am cursed, maybe God doesn’t love me. Maybe, maybe, maybe!!! When I gave birth to my daughter and realized that my marriage was as phony and soulless as I was, my actual awakening started. My daughter is my soulmate. I was a lifeless body before she came into my life, and she awakened the dragon in me. Just the thought of her being treated and used the same way as me was enough for the old coward, passive Zehra to turn into Xaara! It took several years for me to heal my traumas….one by one. Healing involved shedding my own toxic patterns & ending all inauthentic relationships in my life starting with my marriage. Then religion, then relatives, then friends and so on! It was a very lonely and tiring journey, but someone had to do this for my daughter to have a better and safer life and the only one who was there was me.

It's been over 16 years since my divorce but my parents still love to remind me how much shame I brought to my family for marrying & divorcing my ex. Which is ironic because my parents fought their families to marry each other when love marriage was a taboo in Pakistan. But double standards apply to my life because how dare I? And maybe because I allowed myself to be everyone’s punching bag for so long that they’re unable to see me as anything else. Life isn’t easy for my daughter either because our lifestyle is very different from that of my family. I’m the most hated and gossiped about person in my family and my circle. Once upon a time, I defended my honor with tears and explanations…..but now I’ve made peace with other people’s perceptions of me.

I've healed myself from childhood and sexual trauma and I understand the heaviness of the shame, insecurities and trust issues that comes with them. This trauma affects all areas of our lives, not just intimate relationships. It took me years to face and transform my shadows. I improved my finances, my living situation. I taught myself how to say no, how to make eye contact, how to stand alone and how to live differently even when no one else understand and specially when everyone judges & shames. If any of this resonated with your experience, I hope you will allow me to share effective and lasting solutions with you for YOUR rapid improvement in changing your self concept and improving your relationships and career using customized healing techniques for your most pressing issue. Your healing doesn't have to take as long as mine did. I was swimming in the dark without guidance, finding my way through books, meditation and hundreds of youtube teachers. You don't have to invest decades to heal yourself because I know what works and I know how it works. I am living proof of it. 

Thank you so much for reading and I wish you healing.